Our Second Christmas

By: Scott Herrmann, Software Engineering Director

Christmas was great growing up. We had a big family and everyone was home. We had time for rest, games, good meals, and presents. When I got married, I looked forward to building that same experience with my new bride and best friend.

I vividly remember our second Christmas. Jenae and I had been married a year and had just welcomed our son Brecken into the family. It felt like the first Christmas that we were really a family, and my expectations were high. A chance to celebrate Christ’s entry into the world, to have the warmth and joy of family and good food and presents. Our own special Christmas.

Missed Expectations

It was a nice Christmas, but it was very quiet. Simpler than I expected. There wasn’t the chatter of conversation, the fire in the fireplace, or the rhythm of traditions that I was used to. Honestly, going back to our parents that year felt much more like the Christmas I had grown up with and expected. Our own small family Christmas felt thin in comparison.

I assumed I had adequately adjusted my expectations on how it would go. I knew it wouldn’t feel quite the same as the ones I grew up with, but I thought the gap would be much smaller than what it was in reality. The difference felt jarring. Disappointing.

I quietly projected it forward. If this was year two, what did that say about the next ten? Or thirty? My confidence dropped quickly. Doubts leapt in my mind, assuming that everyone else must have figured this out already, and that we were somehow behind. I resigned myself to the idea that we might never create what I had grown up with. Jenae felt the same way.

An Important Recognition

Although it was hard, Jenae and I had to come to grips with the fact that our Christmases wouldn’t be the same as our parents. But they would be ours, and they were worth doing. That recognition freed us.

We had Christmases each year, and each year they got a little bit better. We shifted to embracing the work and logistics necessary for the event and focused on creating the experience for our children, rather than for ourselves. Good memories started to compound and created anticipation and appreciation.

The Eleventh Christmas

This past Christmas (Our Eleventh) we started our festivities on Friday night after I got home from work. When I walked in the door, Jenae had a feast prepared. Our best dishware, decorations, and lit candles were on the table. Sweet potato fries and green beans w/bacon were in the oven and smoked briskett on top of the stove. The kids met me at the door.

As the night went on, and we wrapped up our dinner, our children were running around the house laughing and playing. Four of them this time. Ranging from Brecken at 9 and Arwyn at 6, down to Zane at 5 and Rhen at 2.

The next morning, we got up early and Jenae had everything ready for us. There were stockings hanging over the fireplace in the living room. She had hand-picked stocking stuffers that she knew that we would love: comfort foods and small gifts that met our personalities. Breakfast afterwards was simple but delicious: eggs, bacon, cinnamon rolls and OJ. Then we went back to the living room to read the Christmas story and open presents.

It was amazing. It was full. And maybe I’m over my skis but I would say it was even better than the Christmases that I remember growing up.

What if…

After this past Christmas, I had the thought: What if we would have given up after year two? What if we had said, “we aren’t as good at celebrating Christmas as our parents are. We’ll just go back to our parent’s homes for Christmas and give up on our own family Christmas?” Truth is, we did ask those questions and felt those feelings, but we didn’t stop doing our own family Christmas.  I’m thankful we didn’t. It took a lot of hard work and time, but it blossomed into something different than my original expectations – and something very, very good.

What is one thing you’ve given up on because you didn’t feel good enough at it? Let today be your day.